My Guide to Using 4As of Stress Management

Stress has become an unavoidable thing in our lives, no matter the place or time. Stress can root from something as simple as deciding what to order for a party to making a life-altering decision like quitting your job or moving to a different city. So, the real question is, what is your poison? What is causing you sleepless nights and making you pull your hair out?

As a person whose primary emotion is anger and whose lifelong companion is stress, I keep looking for ways to ease myself from this vicious cycle, killing my peace. After hours of research and going down all the rabbit holes, I stumbled across the 4 As of stress management. The idea seemed good on paper, so I was intrigued. Could this possibly be the thing that helps me fight this pressure loop that always winds me up?

The 4 As of Stress Management- Avoid, Alter, Adapt and Accept. Sounds easy enough, Right? Let me walk you through my process.

AVOID- I consider myself a self-aware person. I know what I like and don’t like. As a rebellious teenager, I often thought avoiding trouble was a sign of weakness. I felt I had to prove myself, and I chose the former in every fight-or-flight situation. Maturing into a young adult, I was forced to look at actuality. Making a conscious choice to chase the problem was adding to the stress. After 27, I decided to pick only the important battles and be selective. This decision helped me dodge problems that did not need a reaction from me. I started saying “no” and evading things that threatened my peace.

ALTER- As much as I try, it’s not realistic to sidestep every stressor. The harsh realities of life can be jarring and inevitable. So how do I deal with it? This step comes in handy in such circumstances. Altering a situation is not an easy task. My weapon of choice is communication. When the actions, behaviour, or words of a person in my circle make me uncomfortable, I think of ways to communicate the matter to them effectively. It is important to remember that there is nothing wrong with asking others to be respectful of you and your space.

ADAPT- Sometimes avoiding or altering will not work. The stressor might be stubborn, but I don’t have to be. I realised that I could deal with such issues by changing my perception. I challenged my views on the issue to come up with better solutions. When I had trouble adapting, I turned to people who loved and supported me. I learned to turn to elements that made me happy, a song or my dogs. This helped me see things in a fresh light. This helped me centre myself in stressful situations.

ACCEPT- In our pursuit of perfection, we often forget that we are just human beings. I am guilty of setting unrealistic goals and being hard on myself for not achieving them. As an over thinker, I analyse every segment of my life to understand what I should have done better. Letting bygones be bygones is easier said than done for most of us. However, dwelling on the mistakes that haunt us does no good. It boils down to a simple question, can you change it, and if not, why are you still wasting time pondering about it?

Life is too short to squander away on what-ifs. I decided to look forward and stay focussed on doing the rest better. I forgave myself for things I could not change, accepted and worked on myself.

At the end of the day, I get to dictate how I think and react. So the choice of stress or peace also lies in my hands. Stress follows us like a shadow. I realised that if I turned my face to the sun and caught the light, it would fall behind me.